my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
