'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
my shit smells like andre
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
