Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize