I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I have aggressive nipples.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
