He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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