It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
