I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
