i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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