i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
