The maid of honor just puked.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
