And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Randomize
