I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
