i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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