im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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