One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
