my phone cant type all the emotion im having
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
