i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
