You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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