hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Randomize