Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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