I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
