he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
