yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
