Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
