Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
