shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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