swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
