Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
