im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
