Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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