Non-Jews are for practice
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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