So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
