6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
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