Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
