Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
