***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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