Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
