I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
