my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
