I wish I could punch you in the face.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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