sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
