I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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