Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
