Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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