Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Text me some of your sweat
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
