Say something about gay babies.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
