No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize