I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
