the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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