explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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