I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize