Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
