I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I came so hard my ears popped.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
