Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i just google imaged poop.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
