Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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