turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
