dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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