I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
