His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I would ride that face into the sunset
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
