Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
