Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I need a burrito and a hug.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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