I skipped work to stalk him.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
