god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
