Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
