i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
