Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Randomize
