i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
