first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
