i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
