nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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