i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
