need another drink. this is the easiest way
Did I show you my penis last night?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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