Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize