my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
