Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
