Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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