idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
