She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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