i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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