____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
