Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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