she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize