um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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