The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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