just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
