I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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